What is your personal communication style? What are your strengths and weaknesses? How have you worked through criticism in the past? Here is a short survey to aid your self-discovery process. Warning: The survey is only as effective as you are honest and self aware. You may wish to ask someone who knows you well for feedback on your responses.
MY COMMUNICATION STYLE ANALYSIS
Check all of the following that apply to you:
_____I think I am pretty good at communications, but the other people in my life could use better skills.
_____Sometimes I express myself in unhelpful ways (put-downs, blaming, interrupting, name-calling, and defensiveness.)
____Other people don’t think I am listening to them because sometimes I am busy and do other things while they are talking, think about what I am going to say next instead of listening to the other person or interrupt them before they are finished.
____I often communicate different messages on verbal and non-verbal levels, (saying I love you but then forgetting to take out the garbage, telling my children they mean everything to me but then forgetting to attend school performances or other important activities.)
____Sometimes I have difficulty recognizing and defining small problems until they become large and very emotional.
____I don’t think ahead, anticipate problems and problem solve with my partner often enough.
____I am good at solutions to problems but sometimes, I fail to follow through.
____Even when the outcome of a problem affects other people, I like to do things my way instead of involving others in the process.
____Sometimes I don’t recognize when anger and conflict are becoming destructive until it is too late.
____I have sometimes “hit below the belt” in order to come out on top in an argument.
____I know there is a conflict, but I try to put on a happy face in order to make things okay.
____I deny my own needs, boundaries, and values in order to make the immediate situation comfortable.
____I avoid conflict because I am afraid of anger or making someone else feel bad.
____I try to be the “bigger person” and give in when there is conflict and just let the matter drop even if I really cared about the issue.
_____In the home I grew up in there was a lot of fighting.
_____In the home I grew up in we never fought or criticized each other.
How many of these did you check? Would important people in your life agree with the way you answered the quiz? Take a moment and consider what new insights that you gained while asking yourself these questions. Another way to learn about your emotional triggers or areas where you don’t communicate well with others is to consider.
What are the five worse things someone could say about you? What insights or “Ah Ha” moments have you have gained by asking yourself these questions? You may want to discuss your thoughts with a significant person in your life. If you can’t discuss it or feel a high level of shame, that may indicate a problem.
If you are uncomfortable about any awareness that came up for you as you answered these questions, you might consider seeing a professional counselor to help you sort through the areas of communication that are troubling.
Camille Foster, LSW
Contact Me/ 801-472.7134/ firstname.lastname@example.org/ Cell: 801-472-7134
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