How To Really Love A Woman

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“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

—Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

Too often married woman are loyal to their partners but aren’t in love and they don’t feel cherished. When a woman doesn’t feel loved she can become critical, unresponsive and have a low sexual desire. If you were to ask their husband, he would say he loves her so why the disconnect? Perhaps it is because too many men don’t know how to truly love a woman.

How to Really Love A Woman 

Women are captivated by a man who makes them feel pretty, capable, intelligent, needed and sexy. So how is this accomplished? 

A woman needs to be loved for who she is.  You show this by appreciating her strengths, noticing details, praising her for small accomplishments, and reinforcing her capabilities. As Garth Brooks crooned “somewhere other than the night she needs to hear I love you, she needs to know you care, she needs to be held tight, somewhere other than the night.” 

*Express Gratitude At Least Once A Day

Think of your relationship as brand new.  Pay attention to the little things she does for you and thank her.  Tell her how glad you are that she is in your life.  Thank her for her strengths that compliment your weaknesses.

*Give A Great Compliment At Least Once a Day

How well can you give compliments? Be specific.  Elaborate whenever possible.  Be generous with your words.

·      What are the things your wife likes most to hear about her self?   


Hint: Women over 40 fear:

Growing older and becoming less attractive—tell her how beautiful she becomes with each passing year.

Compliment her physical features:

_____Her hair (how it shines, the color, the style.)

_____Her eyes (how they sparkle, their color.)

_____Her lovely legs

_____Her terrific body

_____Her pleasant voice, engaging smile, confident walk—anything you notice!

Compliment what she does:

_____Tell her she is a great cook.  Nobody’s cooking compares to hers.

_____Tell her how organized she is.  Tell her you appreciate how neat she keeps your home.

_____Tell her what a great mother she is and how lucky the children are to have her.

_____Tell her how proud you are that she tries to improve herself and learn new skills.

Compliment who she is:

_____If she is honest—tell her how much you admire her integrity.

_____If she is dependable—-tell her how wonderful it is to have someone you can depend on.

_____If she has taken risks—-tell her how much you love her courage.

People feel loved when:

·      You hear what they are saying.

·      You understand what they mean.

·      You validate their feelings.

*Have a listening conversation everyday. Practice listening and validating her feelings. 

Listen without judgment, solutions or criticism.

Show her you know the unique side of her.

What are her favorite color/colors? 

Favorite outfits?

Favorite movies?

Favorite book?

Favorite foods?

Who are her heroes?

Who does she most admire?


What does she worry most about?

What accomplishment is she most proud of?

If she could go back in time what place and time would she want to go to?

What does she do better than anyone else?If she had a million dollars what would she do with it?In 1995, Bryan Adams released the popular song, “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?”  Read through the lyrics below to understand his insights or click on this

Youtube link to hear Adams sing: 

“Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” by Bryan Adams


To really love a woman 

To understand her – you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought – see every dream 
N’ give her wings – when she wants to fly 
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman 

When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted 
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one 

Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever 
So tell me have you ever really 
– really really ever loved a woman? 

To really love a woman 
Let her hold you – 
til ya know how she needs to be touched 

You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her 
Til you can feel her in your blood 
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes 
Ya know ya really love a woman 

When you love a woman 
you tell her that she’s really wanted 
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that you’ll always be together 
So tell me have you ever really – 
really really ever loved a woman? 

You got to give her some faith – hold her tight
A little tenderness – gotta treat her right 
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you 



She will be there, takin’ good care of you if you know how to really love a woman.  Another great love song for a woman:

Another great love song by Bob Dylan, “Make You Feel My Love.”


More on how to really love a woman: TED talk by Dr. Sue Johnson and

Another TED talk on a sex starved marriage:

Best predictor of marriage success is wife’s happiness:

Camille Curtis Foster, LCSW

Contact Me/ 801.472.7134/

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