“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
—Nicole Krauss, The History of Love
Too often married woman are loyal to their partners but aren’t in love and they don’t feel cherished. When a woman doesn’t feel loved she can become critical, unresponsive and have a low sexual desire. If you were to ask their husband, he would say he loves her so why the disconnect? Perhaps it is because too many men don’t know how to truly love a woman.
How to Really Love A Woman
Women are captivated by a man who makes them feel pretty, capable, intelligent, needed and sexy. So how is this accomplished?
A woman needs to be loved for who she is. You show this by appreciating her strengths, noticing details, praising her for small accomplishments, and reinforcing her capabilities. As Garth Brooks crooned “somewhere other than the night she needs to hear I love you, she needs to know you care, she needs to be held tight, somewhere other than the night.”
*Express Gratitude At Least Once A Day
Think of your relationship as brand new. Pay attention to the little things she does for you and thank her. Tell her how glad you are that she is in your life. Thank her for her strengths that compliment your weaknesses.
*Give A Great Compliment At Least Once a Day
How well can you give compliments? Be specific. Elaborate whenever possible. Be generous with your words.
· What are the things your wife likes most to hear about her self?
Hint: Women over 40 fear:
Growing older and becoming less attractive—tell her how beautiful she becomes with each passing year.
Compliment her physical features:
_____Her hair (how it shines, the color, the style.)
_____Her eyes (how they sparkle, their color.)
_____Her lovely legs
_____Her terrific body
_____Her pleasant voice, engaging smile, confident walk—anything you notice!
Compliment what she does:
_____Tell her she is a great cook. Nobody’s cooking compares to hers.
_____Tell her how organized she is. Tell her you appreciate how neat she keeps your home.
_____Tell her what a great mother she is and how lucky the children are to have her.
_____Tell her how proud you are that she tries to improve herself and learn new skills.
Compliment who she is:
_____If she is honest—tell her how much you admire her integrity.
_____If she is dependable—-tell her how wonderful it is to have someone you can depend on.
_____If she has taken risks—-tell her how much you love her courage.
People feel loved when:
· You hear what they are saying.
· You understand what they mean.
· You validate their feelings.
*Have a listening conversation everyday. Practice listening and validating her feelings.
Listen without judgment, solutions or criticism.
Show her you know the unique side of her.
What are her favorite color/colors?
Who are her heroes?
Who does she most admire?
What does she worry most about?
What accomplishment is she most proud of?
“Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” by Bryan Adams
She will be there, takin’ good care of you if you know how to really love a woman. Another great love song for a woman:
Another great love song by Bob Dylan, “Make You Feel My Love.”
More on how to really love a woman: TED talk by Dr. Sue Johnson http://bit.ly/1i4Ejwc and http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14364/how-to-make-love-last-in-the-age-of-instant-gratification-dr-sue-johnson.html
Another TED talk on a sex starved marriage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2MAx95m20
Best predictor of marriage success is wife’s happiness:
Camille Curtis Foster, LCSW
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